domingo, 10 de junio de 2012

Cuestión de deseo

"There is no way I can explain it. I never had the slightest desire to take a lover or have an affair. Such thoughts were the farthest thing from my muind when I first started seeing him.
...


We were just talking and eating in the most ordinary way. But one moment, by accident, we touched, and all I could think of was that I wanted to be in his arms. The instant we touched, I knew that he wanted my body, and seemed to sense that I wanted his. it was totally irrational, overhelming charge of electricity that passed between us. I felt as if the sky had fallen on me. My cheeks were burning, my heart was pounding, and I had a heavy, melting feeling below the waist. I could hardly sit straight on the barstool, it was so intense. At first I didn´t realize what was happening inside me, but soon I realized it was lust. I had such a violent desire for him that I could hardly breathe. Without either of us being the first to suggest it, we walked to a nearby hotel and went wild with sex.


...
What I did with him had virtually nothing to do with "love". All I wanted was to be held by him inside me. Never in my life had I experienced such a suffocation need for a man´s body. I had read about "unbereable desire" in books, but until that day I could never really imagine what such a phrase meant.


Why this need arose in me so suddenly, why it happened not with you but with someone else, I have no idea. But the desire I felt then was impossible to suppress, nor did I even try. Please understand: not for a moment did it occur to me that I was bretraying you in any way. The sex I had in that hotel bed with him was something close to madness. To be totally honest, I had never in my life felt anything so good. No it wasn´t that simple: it didn´t just "feel good". My flesh was rolling in hot mud. My mind sucked in the sheer pleasre to the point of bursting -and then it burst. It was absolutely miraculous. It was one of the most wonderful things that had ever happened to me.


And then, as you know, I kept it hidden all that time."


The wind-up bird chronicle, Haruki Murakami.


*Quisiera poder adjuntar un olor a esta entrada. Necesitaría también una banda sonora que ponerle. Una pieza turbulenta y paradojicamente bonita/dolorosa. De esas canciones que arañan.*



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